yesterday was miserable.
i think i may have 'seasonal affective disorder'. i'm probably just looking for excuses.
i developed a scale to determine how shitty i felt. 0 is severly depressed, 9 is the maximum amount of happy. i hate double digit numbers. i was at a 3 for no reason. i was probably just trying to look cool/interesting. anxiety.
i am so lame.
my friend sam took pete and i to the conveinence store to buy grapes and cheese. her car had a pile of hoodies in it. i wanted to lay face down in them and go to sleep. i wondered if they would have thought i was weird. facework. i didn't lay down in the hoodies.
on the way back to school, sam put rilo kiley on. i forgot they existed. i was at a 5 now. by the time we parked the car, i didn't feel shitty at all.
i went to class. my comp102 professor is a conservative republican with a lot of opinions. there is an unnattractive couple that sits across from me and holds hands under the desks, a pregnant girl in scrubs, and a 'little person' in the class. it's overwhelming.
the only thing that got me through the remainder of my day was humming 'pictures of success'. well, that and the grapes.
I've been keeping track of my moods on a scale like this for about 8 years. My own scale goes from -3 (morose/despair) to 0 (average, so-so) to +3 (fantastic). [Then again, I'm bipolar so it's good to keep on top of these things.]
ReplyDeleteThe mood can definitely shift over the course of a day and music is absolutely a mood-changer for me as well. (For example, it's not great to listen to too much Nirvana, as much as I love them.)
But I totally get that feeling of wanting nothing more than to lie face-down in a pile of hoodies sometimes!